IRON MAIDEN

Assam witnessed a rock show by an Iron Maiden yesterday. Media reports splashed images of a young girl in Assam, stoning an armed army jawan for molesting her. I watched, frozen in horror as the petite lioness repeatedly attacked the burly soldier. She carried on throwing rocks at the jawan fearlessly to the slow rumblings of ‘Kill, Kill’ in the background. I was terrified that the soldier might whip his gun off his shoulder and shoot her, but obviously this possibility never crossed the mind of the little tigress (or if it did… it didn’t matter).

I felt disgusted and so proud at the same time.

Disgusted that a soldier from the Indian army could do this and pride at the young girl’s fierce reaction which forced the whole of India to sit up, take notice and make the army order an enquiry. Even as she was bundled up and driven away in a jeep, she kept clutching on to a couple of rocks (for future use maybe).

The women of north-east keep displaying an amazing amount of courage, guts and sheer balls..... Does anyone remember the demonstration (in July 2004) made by hundreds of women in front of the head-quarters of Assam Rifles in Imphal?

It was to protest the torture, rape and custodial death of a woman named Manorama by soldiers of Paramilitary Assam Rifles. During the protests, more than a dozen women stripped stark naked with banners reading ‘Indian Army Rape Us’ and ‘Indian Army Takes Our Flesh’.


Speaking of Iron Maidens brings me to the toughest of them all – Irom Sharmilla.

This woman wants the Armed Forces Special Powers Act (AFSPA) scrapped. This act gives army personnel (in areas proclaimed 'disturbed') special powers, to arrest, search without warrant, shoot at and even kill on suspicion in the name of curbing insurgency.

The Indian army has committed grave and gory human rights abuses wherever it has had special powers and immunity under the protection of AFSPA (namely J&K, Assam, Manipur, Meghalaya).

To protest against this act, Irom Sharmilla has been on a fast from November 2000. Since then she has been forcibly fed from a tube and has spent most of her time behind bars because every time she is released, she resumes her fast and gets re-arrested.

That means for the past 8 years and 8 months this Iron Maiden has not eaten (of her own free will).

She is in the Guinness Book of World Records for ‘The longest protest on a social cause by a single individual anywhere in the world’.

In her support, the relay hunger strike demanding to save the life of Irom Sharmilla entered the 235th day today.

Meanwhile, the Iron Maiden continues to starve for her fellow citizens.

Women of modern India….... think about it the next time your well manicured hand reaches for a sandwich.

MAID IN MUMBAI

OK! OK! I was wrong. I was frickin blind. I was so sure that Shiney was innocent, that the DNA report (confirming sexual contact between him and his maid) was like a slap in the face.

In his defence plea, Shiney has claimed that the sex with the maid was ‘consensual’ (yikes!) and there was nothing amiss about the nail marks found on his body, as such an “injury was possible during sex” (yuck!). I feel soooo stupid now.

The thing is – Shiney had never been linked with anybody. All that was written/said about him, was that he had the tendency to rub his co-workers the wrong way (no pun there)and that his marriage was in trouble.

Now who would think that an intelligent, good looking actor, from such a decent family, would throw it all away for a... maid? I am forced to wonder… what hope do us ordinary wives have against the average hottie?!

I don’t know about you people, but I really feel sorry for his poor wife, Anupam. That woman really put herself out there – valiantly defending her husband’s honour before the hungry microphones and flash bulbs. How humiliating for her! How tough it is going to be.... braving the winks, the whispers, the nudges and sniggers. That poor lady is not going to call for a press conference for a long long long time.

If only these men would stop and think about their families and kids before they unzip and throw it all away for a roll in the hay.

As for me… I am firing my maid!

Hurrah! The courts came through, once again for the terrified ICSE/CBSE bachchas and threw out the 90/10 percent seat sharing formula(at least I was right about that one!). The government order was called....ahem 'unconstitutional, arbitrary and the epitome of unfairness', among other things. Now the government is busy wiping the egg off its face (whatta disgrace!). Will these politicians never learn?
Sab milkar bolo – Indian Judiciary ki Jai!

One thing that I find very funny, if these lions, (ok,cubs) in politics are brave enough to swear, to chop off the hands, of the enemies of the Hindus of this country, then..... why do they need their security upgraded? Why do they need security at all? Why does any threat, real or imagined, distress them so much? Aha! It is very easy to give inflammatory, poisonous, hate mongering speeches from behind a cordon of security. Now someone, who loves his countrymen so much,and is so protective of them, should not be afraid of death threats, should he?

If the central government is really secular, it should seriously consider removing completely, the security of any politician, who gives any kind of hate speeches.
Phir dekhna – hamaare netaon ke mukh se sirf phool hi jhadenge :-)

IT’S TIME TO POP THE CHAMPAGNE FOLKS! (Make sure you have your daaru permits first!)

Thank God for the judiciary. If not for them, nothing in this country would get done. Ever! By decriminalizing consensual sex between two adults of the same gender, a new road is about to be paved for progress towards an accepting, tolerant and an all-inclusive society. The Delhi High Court, with this judgment, has pretty much done all the dirty work of the government – who in their eagerness not to piss off any group (read voters) were hemming and hawing over an issue which is essentially a no brainer. I mean, how much grey matter is needed to understand that section 377 was morally preachy, intolerant, judgmental and cruel? Yes, cruel! And that it was only a tool to be misused to harass and bully gay people by our law enforcement agencies. And boy! Can they misuse laws!

A party in Lonavala was busted, and all the kids crammed in the slammer, for guess what… drinking without a permit, playing loud music and dancing ‘obscenely’. Which means, pretty much every party/wedding party in Mumbai (and even a few college socials). This is so ridiculous that it is both funny and tragic. But we Indians, as a people do not give a rat's bottom. We are so self-centered that we will not do anything till our own kid gets picked up (then we will yell bloody injustice…).

Forget about busted parties, we don’t bat an eyelid even if a commission takes 17 years to decide who was responsible for the demolition of a masjid! 17 years means – a child born in 1992 would be old enough, by now, to be arrested for attending a birthday party! Hah!

We will do nothing when political parties squabble over naming / renaming a bridge which took 9 painfully long years to build, because of their own apathy. We will not so much as murmur when its long awaited opening is delayed and timed, just so a certain party combo can claim credit. As for the protesting political parties… where were they when the project was delayed for so long? Wasn’t it a blow to their pride / asmita then? Why didn’t they threaten agitation and dharnas then?

After all this, if the voters of this state are still not smart enough to see through this ruse, then they deserve the government they choose.

Jai Hind!

DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE!

Dashing the hopes of thousands of people belonging to various gay rights groups in India, Union Law Minister, Veerappa Moily did an about turn and declared he had never said he’d repeal section 377 (This section of the IPC treats sex between same sex adults a crime, even if consensual) and claimed he had been “misinterpreted”.

Health Minister, Ghulam Nabi Azad came out with a really strange comment “we must have a debate… regarding positive and negative results of homosexuality”. Maybe the government is afraid of antagonising various religious groups which are dead against homosexuality. I guess they are a bigger vote bank than the gay voters. At this rate, nothing will change till more people (even straight ones) come out in support of scrapping this ghisa-pita-holier-than-thou law.

Yahoo! The Bandra-Worli sea link is finally opening for the aam aadmi today. This bridge which took an agonising 10 long years to make and cost Rs. 1600 Crores, has made it possible to reach Worli Naka from Bandra in under 10 minutes. On second thoughts, pooh! What a colossal waste of money! Could have made at least 16000 statues of Chief Ministers and other netas with that much dough.

Caught an interview of Rakhi Sawant, talking about her ‘Swayamwar’ show on a television channel. “Myself Rakhi” she announces “My sasural wallas are going to be very happy. Main roti, daal, laukhi, dhoodhi, gajar… halwa, sab bana sakti hoon” she promises, then breaks into an off key song (a la Annu Malik) “bura hai bala hai jaisa bhi hai… mera pati mera devta hai”. I’m sure this show will be a hit with aunties.

Speaking of Annu Malik… this Sunday, HT Brunch, ran a touching story on his struggle and how after 30 years in the industry, he still does not feel respected. “Tell me, why is it that people don’t respect me?... why do they act surprised when they find that I have composed a good song?... is it the way I dress?... the way I talk?”, he asks interviewer, Vir Sanghvi.

Made me feel really sorry for the guy. Maybe it’s the way he breaks into a song at the drop of a hat. Makes it a bit difficult to take him seriously then.............
what do you guys think?

GONE TOO SOON

Michael Jackson is a perfect example of what childhood abuse can do. All that early fame, beatings, lack of proper childhood, resulted in a lost little boy, with terribly low self-esteem, so far removed from reality, that he could identity with the alien in ET. My heart goes out to the poor little boy in Michael, who never grew up, never GOT to grow up. He didn’t build Neverland because he was a paedophile and wanted to prey on kids (for that he did not have to spend 28 Million Dollars). He built Neverland because the child in him, wanted a beautiful world to escape to. He couldn’t quite understand the adult world, and look what hanging out with the kids did to him!

It is so sad, the most famous man in the world never found true love. One of the most talented men in the world, who reached such mammoth heights of adulation, spent the last years of his life alone, jeered, derided and ridiculed. (Stand-up comedians made a career out of taking pot-shots at him). The man whose music made hundreds of millions of dollars, died broke and most probably of a broken heart. He had lost all faith - in himself, his fans, his country and even his religion.

Fly away Michael! Go to God! In His arms you will be safe… finally.

I love you…

WHEN IN FRANCE DO AS THE FRENCH DO!

So! Another Indian attacked down under. Eh? Darn it! Yeh Australians toh haath dho kar peeche pad gaye hain hum Indians ke.

Of course, we Indians are no strangers to discrimination and racism in our own country. Some of us don’t think twice about overcharging/fleecing the white guy and leering at the white woman. Either that or we bend backwards to please them. And lets admit it, most of us are openly distrustful of Africans. A couple of days back Hindustan Times ran a tri- part series on discrimination in our city, which reminded me of what I had personally gone through a couple of years back.

I was returning from Joggers park in Bandra and saw a store (famous for their carpets) display a 70% off sign. Still in my sweats, I just walked in. The store was empty except for a woman at the cash counter talking to a well dressed white woman. Since I couldn’t make out which items were on sale, I asked the lady at the counter if they had any curtains on sale. At first she ignored me and carried on talking to the foreigner. A minute later when it seemed that she was not about to help me, I interrupted her saying “Excuse me”, ‘Yes” she sharply turned and looked at me as a though a trifle irritated. “Could you tell me if the curtains are on sale?” I asked. “Yes they are” she answered curtly before turning to resume her conversation with the white lady (who was being told, where else she can shop, for what, in Colaba). I meekly went to the lone salesman and asked him to show me some curtain fabric. When I asked for more than one sample, (I had to match them to the upholstery at home) he told me “Ask madam”.

Reluctantly I went back to the lady at the counter, who was still talking to the white lady and was very enthusiastically answering all her queries, her head bobbing up and down and smiling so hard, I could almost hear her cheek muscles creak. Again she pointedly ignored me till I butted in. “Excuse me, but could you give me some more samples?”. ‘No m’am’ she said stressing on the ‘m’am’ in a most unfriendly tone. “We do not give more than one sample!”. “Please!” I beseeched. “Oh! ok!” she said, rolling her eyes and told her bored attendant “sample de doh”.

Her tone, body language and expressions were such a contrast to the way she was talking to this gora lady that I was maha pi_ _ _ d off. “What is your name?” I asked her. “Arva! why?” she demanded, almost hostile now. Just at that very moment a burqa-clad lady walked in with a man (They seemed to be of west-asian origin). A funny expression came over Madam Arva’s face. Hurriedly she beckoned her salesman who, (till now too busy to help me) almost jumped up and started walking behind the couple, scrutinizing their every move closely and with suspicion. Everytime the browsing couple stopped, he’d almost bump into them. Faced with such unfriendly behaviour they soon left.

This obnoxious and blatant discrimination made me so angry I could scarcely breathe. Within a span of barely twenty minutes, three different people, from different backgrounds, all customers, had been treated so different, by the same person. The white woman was fawned upon like a queen, the brown woman had at first been ignored and then tolerated like a pesky fly and the poor burqa-clad woman with partner had been treated with suspicion and dislike.

Like I said we Indians are no strangers to our own desi brand of racism. I never went back to that store. I never will.

Speaking of burqas………..while I disagree with the French President’s definition of what a burqa stands for, I think that just like a white woman in Saudi Arabia would not be able to practice her liberal sense of dressing or even her religion, similarly if the French do not want their muslim citizens to wear a burqa, is it really that bad? When in France, do as the French do…

Ciao.

A SCALPEL IS A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND

Victoria Beckham has gotten a breast reduction. She had had breast implants put in earlier (I call them SILI BOOBS). Now, if I remember correctly, Rakhi Sawant had had her implants removed also. “They come in the way when I dance” she complained. One thing I like about Rakhi, at least she is honest about her cosmetic surgeries unlike our other desi celebs. Aside from Shilpa Shetty and a couple others, everyone pretends everything’s natural. Nothings been touched, tweaked, plumped or perked up (Maybe they were born with it!). People disappear for a couple of months and come back with forever surprised expressions, frozen faces, bigger boobs, thinner noses, plumper lips and get outraged if you so much as whisper SCALPEL.

Seen Celina Jaitley lately? She is the latest one to hop on to the cosmetic surgery bandwagon. Though I bet she will deny it till she is blue in the er nose. I don’t know how they can issue such denials with a straight face (seriously they must think we are morons). More importantly, the self control displayed by the journos interviewing them is WOW. Coz if a Minisha Llamba said ‘what nose job?’ to me, I’d fall off my chair/stool laughing. HONEST!

Will Smith’s petite wife, Jada Pinkett Smith is giving advice to couples on how to jazz up their sex life. ‘Be sneaky’ she says ‘your girlfriends house, his office… anything to keep the flame alive’ (Really! If you have to try THAT hard…).

Hey! I have got a better idea on how to instantly spice up your sex life! Forget about changing your look, cologne/perfume, positions, locations, lingerie etc… JUST CHANGE YOUR PARTNER. Aint nothing gonna spice up your sex life like that. And remember… you heard it here first.

Halleluiah! It’s rainin’. The heat is gone! I’m a little cold, sitting at Carter road, eatin steamin hot momos and soup. People, I’m telling ya… Tis the simple things in life…

Ciao.