In my last post we discussed
1 How to turn every opportunity into a fun teaching moment
2 Television- the best shows to expose your kids to.
3 Manners- Start early and lead by example.
No shouting, yelling, threatening or physical violence of any kind.
Now I know this one's not easy but......Do not ever lose your temper when dealing with a tantrum specially when there are people around..No matter how badly your kid behaves, never ever shout at or strike him.
You may think they are too young but even a two year old feels humiliated when chastised or struck specially when there is an audience.
No matter how bad the crying and the kicking and the squealing. Remember the one who is doing all that screeching is just a kid, and YOU are the adult.
So behave like one. Be calm, firm, even chilly when required but keep your voice down at all times. If your voice is low the child will have to lower his screams to understand what you are saying. This is a tried and tested method which can be used in other situations too. For example in an argument with an adult.
Research says that children love kissing,tickling and cuddling.
They say money maketh a man,clothes maketh a lady but its kisses and hugs and cuddles that maketh a happy child.
A cuddled and loved child adjusts better in class, handles conflicts better, has a higher EQ (Emotional Quotient) and is more likely to pick good friends and a loving and kind life partner later on in life.
Parents who argue, scream at and hit their kids are laying down the foundation of an anxious and a very unhappy child.
One who will have a very low self esteem and will most probably turn out aggressive themselves and turn into bullies or become scared, quiet and the submissive types.
Such kids subconsciously tend to pick physically or emotionally abusive partners. Almost always.
Kids like that don't even resist when hit and attacked by their friends or abusive spouse/partner when they are adults because by then they have been wired to think they 'deserve' it. After all mom and dad also used to hit them.
Another thing – almost all of them are full of self hatred, self loathing and are suicidal.
If you want your child to be like that, (an aggressive bully always in a rage, getting into trouble, or a suicidal introvert who gets beaten and abused by their spouse/boyfriend and who one day may become another statistic in the suicide graph of young people) ...
Then go right ahead, let your anger and ego be more important than your helpless child, shout and slap him/her when they fail a test or knock down
that expensive crystal ashtray granddad gave for Christmas.But beware, every time you hit or holler at your child, the only message you send out is, that when there is a conflict with anyone, or when one is angry or when things don't go your way, It is ok to hit.
The Bottom line is- Never hit your kid
What not to do/say in front of your child
Never fight, argue with, yell at or hit your spouse in front of your children. This one's a no-brainer. It shakes up their little world and is scary and very damaging for them. All Psychologists agree on this one.
My tip is make fight dates. My friend does this. Every now and then when her husband and and she are mad at each other,they agree to meet in the living room at around midnight (that's when their kids are fast asleep) and have a good but quiet showdown.
Another tip- Do not bad mouth relatives or friends or indulge in idle gossip in front of your child. Your kid is much more impressionable than you think. So watch what you say about others when your kid is around. Your child will respect you and others better.
Always use politically correct terms. There is nothing more embarrassing than waiting in line at the supermarket checkout and hearing your kid shout out “Look Mummy how fat this man is!!'
Mommies are not Superwomen
If you make a mistake,forgive yourself. No point beating up yourself over it. Learn from it and move on. And whenever you feel you've spread yourself too thin, close your eyes, take a deep breath and believe tomorrow's gonna be better than today.
There are many articles and books on parenting. Whenever you have the time, catch up on your reading as much as you can.
Most importantly don't forget to treat yourself well. And make sure Daddy reads this,ok darlin?Eat fresh n healthy food,fruits and salads. Get enough sleep. Ask your friends or relatives to watch the kids every now and then so you and your husband can get at least one romantic dinner in a month. Try and have friends over once in a while. Don't kill your social life.
What I mean is, try and have fun. Always keep at least one hour of some 'mommy time' aside just for you.
Do things that make you happy. Go to the spa, get a massage, watch your favorite movie, do yoga or meditation,go for swimming, jogging, dancing, some plain ole reading or simply loll around the couch channel, surfing and chill because the truth is very simple.
A happy, relaxed mommy is a good mommy and, let's not forget.....
'A good mother is worth a 100 headmasters'
